


Damage and Discourse

by Ankathi



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 16:44:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4399571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ankathi/pseuds/Ankathi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So, just how high of a price are we talking about here?" Kurapika took another sip from his glass and traced his finger around the rim similarly to how Chrollo had a minute or so earlier. It was hard to tell what the other man was thinking, he'd had a small smile on his face since Kurapika arrived next to him and his expression hadn't faltered once. </p><p>"Lives. Countless, innocent lives." </p><p>(Kurapika is on Chrollo's trail again when things go awry, leaving Leorio to pick up what's left behind.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Damage and Discourse

**Author's Note:**

> leopika featuring everyone's favourite headcanon: trans kurapika  
> this started as a way to release my leopika feelings and became a 3000+ word oneshot with a chrollo centric flashback by accident

He woke up slowly and groggily, groaning as he turned his head and it spun rapidly. Kurapika slowed his movements to regain clear vision to see a room he didn't recognise. Taking in his current surroundings he saw a desk with paper work and text books sprawled messily across it, a few shelves with more books and occasional trinkets and seemingly personal items and clothes hastily thrown together into a pile. As his head cleared he remembered what he was doing before sleeping, a dark bar, drinks, conversation, pursuit, Chrollo Lucilfer. Suddenly he heard the jingle of keys and the click of a door, footsteps heading directly for the room he occupied. The door swung open and he was met with a tall suited man with wide brown eyes.

"You're awake, Kurapika." Leorio walked over to where Kurapika lay and sat on the chair next to the bed. He softened with concern when he saw the urgency in Kurapika's eyes,

"Where's Chrollo?" He spoke fast, panic laced in his underused vocal chords.

"Kurapika, I-"

"Leorio, where is he?" danger graced his tone as he lowered his brows in anger, fists clenching.

"He's gone Kurapika." Leorio finally admitted hesitantly, knowing he didn't want the reply that was coming. Kurapika only sunk back into the bed, eyes closing and breathing slowly to calm himself. It wasn't Leorio's fault, it wasn't his fault the troupe leader got away, _he didn't know._ "I know you were close to killing him again." Kurapika's eyes opened and looked at him in shock,

"You did? Then why did you let him..." his voice trailed off, whether from anger at Leorio or just because he didn't have the energy it didn't matter.

"Yeah, uh, do you remember what happened before I found you?"

* * *

 

He'd tracked the troupe leader to an underground club in Yorknew. He didn't think the troupe would come back after the stunt they pulled before, why would they need to? But he didn't care, all he cared about was ripping out that disgusting man's heart; if you could even call him a man. When he approached the building he saw it wasn't the kind of place he'd like to frequent. A club for men and women to watch others in less than modest amounts of clothing. The thought of such a place made his skin crawl. This was exactly the place he expected to find the head of such a rancid spider.

As he opened the door artificially warm red and pink lights clouded his vision. When his view adjusted he could see tables of men around stages with empty glasses on their tables. Everything was so fake and plastic, even the air felt heavy with false impressions. Kurapika scanned the room for the man, unable to find him at the tables his eyes fell upon the bar and found who he was looking for. Instantly his eyes flared and he took a minute to compose himself for conversing with him. His plan was simple: talk to him, get him out of the bar, find a quiet alley and deal with him there. No problems should arise from that, it'd be simple enough to get him out the bar and then he'd make him suffer for what he'd done to the Kurta. Slowly, adjusting the wig he wore to cover his unmistakable blonde hair, he marched over to the bar and sat next to Chrollo.

"And who might you be?" Chrollo immediately engaged him in conversation with a smooth tone, it made him flare with anger. How could a man who has done such terrible things act so collected and charming? It was disgusting. Kurapika held back his true emotions and replied as coldly as he could, looking away from the older man's eyes.

"Names aren't important in a place like this." He was speaking honestly, did people in here really care about names when all they wanted was physical contact with no strings afterwards.

"I see." This answer didn't seem to stall Chrollo in the slightest. He took a sip from his glass and  looked over the person sat beside him. Kurapika felt his skin crawl as the man took in his features, every inch of his body. Not much could be seen from the ill fitting suit he wore but none the less it felt revolting. "Well, do you want a drink mis-"

"It's sir. And yes, if you're offering." Chrollo didn't seem fazed by his sudden outburst and ordered something from the bartender. Kurapika knew he looked like a woman but he couldn't help that, and he hated being misgendered, especially from a man like him. Chrollo took the glass offered by the bartender and circled his finger around the rim before passing it to Kurapika.

"Sorry, here." He handed Kurapika a tall glass with a clear liquid inside, he didn't care what it was. He took a sip and felt the alcohol burn in his throat. _Vodka_. "So then, _sir_ , do you make a habit of demanding drinks from kind men at bars?" Kurapika wanted to grab his throat, how could he be considered kind by any stretch of the imagination? The way he said sir with extra emphasis made him want to crush his skull too. How good it would feel to tear his life from his chest.

"You offered."

"Indeed I did, I only take interest in beautiful things after all." Those words made Kurapika's heart stop. Shit. He didn't plan for this. He just thought Chrollo would take his offer for finding somewhere more refined for a drink, not try to flirt with him and take him home. He didn't want this by any means. But it could work to his advantage.

"Oh, so I'm beautiful? Please tell me more." Kurapika tried to use his best playful tone. It reminded him of how he was with Leorio back in the hunter exam, he'd been avoiding the man since his involvement with the troupe last year. There was no need to involve Leorio in this dark business.

"In my line of work, an eye for the beautiful is mandatory. Your hands, for example, are slender and fine with perfectly rounded nails. Your neck is poised and pale, with freckles dotted along the top of your back. You're like a painting, one I'd be willing to pay a high price for." _Liar_ , was the first thing that came to mind, _you wouldn't pay for anything if you didn't want to_. He also knew the connotations of what he was saying, it made him sick how this man was admiring him.

"So, just how high of a price are we talking about here?" Kurapika took another sip from his glass and traced his finger around the rim similarly to how Chrollo had a minute or so earlier. It was hard to tell what the other man was thinking, he'd had a small smile on his face since Kurapika arrived next to him and his expression hadn't faltered once.

"Lives. Countless, innocent lives." Kurapika froze, he used all his strength to not kill the man here. How _dare_ he compare the worth of the dead to something as trivial as his own attraction. His grip on the glass tightened slightly and Chrollo's smile widened by a fraction. Kurapika slammed his eyes shut to prevent the troupe leader seeing it. His one give away. His scarlet eyes. "Another beautiful thing about you" the man continued, leaning close enough for Kurapika to feel his hot breath on his face, "is those bright eyes of yours." Kurapika was breathing fast, he needed to get away from him. This was not part of the plan. "Those brilliant, scarlet eyes." He tried to move his arm only to find it was under Chrollo's grasp, "Show them to me, _Kurapika_."  Those last words were no more than a whisper but they were screams to the blondes ears.

The next thing he knew he was running, out and away. His plan had failed and Chrollo was walking in pursuit. _Walking? Why isn't be running?_ Kurapika thought among a sea of other questions swimming in his mind: _how did he know? Did someone tell him? Did he recognise me? Where am I going? What should I do? Why am I running? I came here to kill him, didn't I?_

His legs stopped at the last question. He came here to kill the spider's head, it didn't matter if he knew who he was or not. All he had to do was kill him. He turned around to see Chrollo a few feet away, still smiling. That was when his vision began to spin. He couldn't see anything, a dark shape walked closer to him as he sunk to the ground. He hadn't drunk that much, had he? No, if Chrollo knew from the start then- no. When? He couldn't have, could he?

Kurapika saw a hand moving towards his face when his burning crimson eyes closed, possibly for the last time.

* * *

 

 

He sat back up in the bed, Leorio waiting patiently for a reply next to him. Leorio wasn't known for his patience, but when it came to Kurapika he could wait for months. He  _did_ wait for months; months with no contact with the other until he happened to find him.

"The last thing I remember I was on the street facing Chrollo when everything went cloudy and I-" Not wanting to admit he'd been drugged by the man he hated most, he cut himself off. "When did you...?" Kurapika had no memory of Leorio finding him, all he could remember was that all consuming hand and feeling of dread.

"I was coming home from late study when I saw you collapse with him in front of you. I was scared, really scared Kurapika. I- I didn't know what I could do, I didn't know what he would do. Then he saw me and stopped. I really thought I was dead then but he took his hand away from your face and opened it, gesturing towards you. I guess he was sayin' 'all yours' or something. He walked away from you towards a bar and I brought you back here. Are you ok? Did he do anything to you?" Leorio explained all of this slowly, only picking up the pace when he started questioning Kurapika's wellbeing.

"I'm fine, Leorio. Just a little tired." It was a lie, he was aching all over, his head throbbing and mind drained from the whole ordeal. "If we go back there maybe we can still-" He leaned to get out of bed before being stopped by the taller man.

"Kurapika, that was three days ago."

" _What_?"

"You've been out for three days. I'm sorry, he's probably far away by now." Kurapika was shocked, how could he sleep for three days? How did Leorio let him stay asleep that long? Of course he let him sleep, Leorio was training to be a doctor. Even the most naive of people could see the dark colours under his eyes and his withered figure. He needed sleep. "Anyway, you need to eat. When did you last have anything proper, hm?" Leorio had changed the tone of his voice, only slightly, but Kurapika could tell he was trying to lighten the mood.

"It's fine, honestly I-"

"No so fast, you need food. No excuses." And with that Leorio disappeared into the other room to attempt to cook something for them. Kurapika could hear the clattering of pots and pans and Leorio cursing as something hit him. He couldn't help but let out a small laugh, he was in a new environment but Leorio somehow made it feel so familiar and warm. He climbed out of the covers, picked a book from one of the many shelves and sat on top of the bed reading quietly.

A few loud minutes later Leorio appeared with two plates of pasta and sauce, "Sorry it's so simple, I can't really do much else." Kurapika didn't mind, he'd never say it but it'd been weeks since he'd last had a proper cooked meal. They sat in comfortable silence while they ate, both just glad to have the company after so many times eating alone.

When both had finished eating and the plates had been placed lazily on the desk, Leorio decided it'd be a good idea to try talking about what happened. Only Kurapika didn't want to relive any of it.

"Leorio, I really don't want to talk about it. I found out where he was and went there. Things just got... complicated."

"Complicated? You think blacking out in front of the most dangerous man we know is just 'complicated'? You know what Chrollo is like! Why didn't you take anyone with you! You could have taken me for crying out loud!" Leorio was shouting now, angry at the blonde for being so precarious.

"I could have handled it if it wasn't for-"

"Wasn't for what? Getting drugged? Christ Kurapika, you really don't trust anyone, do you?" He was visibly angry now, face getting red with blood rushing to his head. He was standing over Kurapika, arms waving sporadically. "Fine. I get it. You can only do this alone, I get it. It's not as if you have people who care about you, waiting to just get a call - a stupid _phone call_ \- just to see if you're still alive! You could have died, Kurapika! You could have died and I would have never seen you again I-" At that Leorio collapsed into the chair, head in his hands and breathing hard. Kurapika was still with shock. He didn't know how to react. Was Leorio...crying? Small sobs coming from the man were mixed with heavy breaths and mutters of 'pull yourself together' and 'stop being an idiot'. This wasn't right, this wasn't how his reunion with Leorio was supposed to be.

"Leorio, I-" Kurapika began to speak as Leorio looked up at the sound of his voice, his eyes red and wet with tears, glasses long forgotten. All words left him at that moment, the look on his friends face tore his heart in more ways than one. _He_ had done this, and it was up to him to fix it. "Leorio, I- uh, I'm sor-" And then the other man was kissing him, kissing him so hard it hurt. He was pushing forward with so much strength it took all Kurapika had to not fall completely backwards. The only way he could stay standing was to push back, to move his mouth against the others, to push his body against Leorio's. He never thought the day would come where he felt so alive again. Just being this close to someone sparked a fire inside of him that has been embers since before he could remember. He let Leorio straddle him on the bed and continue what he was doing. He didn't know just how much he needed this until it started happening, then he never wanted it to stop. He needed the feeling of someone else, someone who wanted to touch him like this.

Then it all came to a halt, Leorio pulled back looking at Kurapika with concern and guilt. "Ah, shit. I'm sorry I didn't mean- I, uh. I'll just go." He moved to get up but was caught by Kurapika's grip on his wrist.

"Why?" It was a simple question, but not one Leorio could answer so easily. He'd wanted to do that for months, even over a year maybe. It killed him how much he wanted Kurapika like that. He hated what even the sight of him could do to his body. The sound of his voice, the scent of his hair, even the way he walked: he was in love with all of it. He never expected to actually be able to kiss him though, and even less for him to kiss back. His head was spinning and he was sure Kurapika wasn't thinking straight. Maybe he was still under influence from the drugs Chrollo gave him? That was probably right, and Leorio really shouldn't be taking advantage of his delirious friend. "Leorio, don't go."

Kurapika's words were more like a demand than anything else, the way he spoke so sternly made Leorio's heart flip and his skin heat up. He turned back to see two half open glowing red eyes looking back at him. He never thought he'd see Kurapika's eyes that colour for any other reason than the spiders, needless to say he preferred this immensely. "So... you want me to stay?" was all he could manage to get out before being pulled back into a soft kiss by the blonde. His lips were chapped and broken, even the slightest tug would have caused them to bleed. But it was so unmistakably Kurapika and he loved every second of it. Kurapika moved his hands from his head to his shoulders and started removing Leorio's suit jacket. He was more than happy to oblige, allowing the Kurta to slip it off with ease. He then made a move for his tie, tugging as his scarlet eyes shined through his lashes. Leorio chuckled as he undid his tie for Kurapika causing the younger man to start unbuttoning his shirt. Everything was moving so fast it made Leorio's head spin.

 He felt bad that he was the only one getting undressed but he knew better than to remove Kurapika's clothes to expose the body he was so self conscious about. He'd made that mistake once before, trying to pull Kurapika's shirt off when Gon spilt his drink on it. He was met with panic and shouting demanding he stopped. Back then he had no idea why Kurapika was so defensive about his body, but soon after it was explained to him. He listened and waited for Kurapika to finish before telling him that this changed nothing and he was still the same man he'd known all along. That was the first time he'd seen a real warmth from the other, a smile that made him melt all over.

He was brought back to reality when he realised his hands were being guided along Kurapika's torso, moving towards the hem of his shirt. "Uh, Kurapika, are you- are you sure this is ok?" He didn't want any regret to be felt by either of them afterwards, going this far was not in his intentions tonight.

"It's fine, get this off." He pulled at his own shirt helping Leorio to lift it off his chest, exposing his stomach and binder. Leorio gasped, only slight but still audible. Kurapika was thin, so sickly thin. He could see ribs poking out from his pale skin, his hips jutting out unnaturally, pale skin dotted with dark bruises and marks. This was not the body of a healthy adult but one of a starving, worn out child. His eyes saddened, what had Kurapika been doing that let him get like this? The other noticed the change in atmosphere and automatically moved his arms to cover his exposed body. "Leorio, I-" He couldn't think of what to say, there was nothing _to_ say. The taller man moved his fingers across the marked skin with feather-light touches. More than ever before he wanted to keep Kurapika safe. Embrace him so hard that nothing else mattered. And before he knew it he was, both arms wrapped about his body possessively. The blonde rested his head on the other's shoulder and let out a small tear. This was all he needed, a warm embrace and someone who he knew cared. Cared so deeply about him that he couldn't stand it. Leorio was too good for him, he didn't deserve this. But he accepted it, accepted the warmth he didn't deserve, the care he didn't want to admit he needed, the love he didn't know existed until then.

They stayed like that for a long time, both just holding the other, unspoken confessions and untouched caresses filling the room. They didn't need to go further, just being like this with the other was enough for both of them, worried that if either of them spoke it would shatter the fragile bond they shared in the moment. So neither of them did, they just stayed still and silent, letting the sun set and night come as they embraced.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I kept them in character, it's been a very long time since I wrote anything for a fandom.
> 
> tumblr link: http://kurtasquad.tumblr.com/post/124758239920/damage-and-discourse


End file.
